Marriage....

Mother never really actively taught me much about marriage other than to say it was something I should do.  Get married.  As far as I could tell; it was always a "sooner rather than later" kind of thing.  Mother didn't tell me WHY it was important to get married, or for that matter, why I had to do it sooner, rather than later.  I think initially I disappointed her by allowing myself to get so old before I had actually gotten to the "getting married" phase of womanhood.  At one point, she took to watching the wedding shows on the Discover channel in my 20's.  One day, when I was about 28, I dared to ask her why.  Her response was "Because this is the closest thing I'll come to seeing my daughter get married".  I'll admit it.  I was single.  Worse yet, I was HAPPY being single.  I don't mean single and dating, either.  I mean single and alone and happy about it.  I didn't have to worry about a lot of fuss and crap.  I actually got a little worried myself at one point; because I was really getting to like this life without rules...no make up unless I wanted to wear it, no uncomfortable clothes to make a man happy, I could watch what I wanted to, and keep hours that made me happy.... and I had a great cat for company.  I went out with the girls, and hung out with my mother, which I enjoyed immensely.  Then, it happened.  I got a computer and the internet.  What was I thinking?  I was initially thinking; damn, this thing is COOL.  Then I got an Email account...but at the time, it was so new; I didn't know anyone with an Email account to write to...and I wanted Email!  So I did what any girl would do.  Find an online dating service that didn't actually give out your Email address.  Kind of like a virtual P.O. Box.  I put up a very no nonsense add...all true stuff, warts and all.  Hell, I wasn't LOOKING for a MAN.  I was looking for Email.  Boy, did I get Email.  Lots of the stuff...but it was all really GREAT Email....You're so pretty, you sound amazing, you like the same things I do, I'd give my eye teeth to meet you!  At least 42 a night poured into my "box".  I became addicted to reading how fabulous I was.  Wouldn't YOU?  It was great.  I would read them as if they were positive affirmations and then delete them, never to write to them again.  It was easy.  They all said the same stuff.  You're pretty.....blah...blah....blah.....long walks on the beach.....blah......blah.....blah.......dinners out.....blah....blah....blah......movies.  Fun, but forgettable.  This made my mother ever more upset.  You mean to tell me you have THAT MANY MEN INTERESTED IN YOU DAILY AND YOU THROW THEM AWAY????  Trying to explain you just wanted to experience Email and not land a man to mother was not easy.  Looking back, I don't know how it happened, but I was reading through the yada yada yada, blah, blah, blah's and there it was, smack dab in the middle of them....a unique and charming man.  Shit.  There goes my single life.  It was like a mack truck drove through the room.  This letter was so awesome, so amazing, so incredible, I actually kept it.  I didn't throw it out.  I read it over and over.  "I see you like to read; I'm not much of a reader, but I would love to hear you tell me all about the book you are reading.  I think it's refreshing that you put a picture of yourself that isn't airbrushed and glamorized.  You are naturally beautiful."  Damn it.  It was working.  I had to answer this one.  I did.  Now this guy has my Email address!  OH, GREAT!  WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?  He could be a lunatic, or crazy or something.  Maybe he won't write back.  Yeah, probably not.  That night....there was a letter.  It was from him.  So we wrote to each other, twice a day.  This went on for a while; then we would write twice a day plus use instant messaging...and talk like teenagers for hours.  Soon, that wasn't good enough.  I gave him my phone number.  So we would write, instant message, and call each other nightly.  This went on for months.  Seriously. I think my mother was a witch...because this was all too magical.  I was falling for some guy who lived in Florida.  An older guy, who lived in Florida.  Florida?  Really, Cheri?  Yuk.  You live on Cape Cod.  You live in paradise.  Florida is horrid.  It's buggy, humid, hot and full of rednecks.  NOT your kind of place.  Still, I couldn't help myself.  So we planned to meet.  I was going to fly to Florida for a winter break vacation from work, and stay with him (but I had the safety net of my Godmother who lived literally two blocks from his place).  My father said I shouldn't do it. That it looked too "desperate".  I had to tell him immediately that I would NOT be flying to Florida.  I had to make up some lie.  "My parents are actually going to Florida at the same time to visit my brother and I had to stay home to watch the house and cats".  Vincent didn't buy it for  a moment, but he LET ME LIE.  As vacation time drew closer, I really wanted to see him; and he me.  It was now an irrational NEED.  I threw all caution to the wind and bought a round trip ticket on a GREYHOUND BUS.  (OK, some side stuff Mother Never Tells You....NEVER EVER EVER EVER take a Greyhound Bus ANYWHERE.  It's not romantic, it's not comfortable, and you'll never ever get to sleep.  They stop every 30 minutes to re-fuel and clean the bus, and you have to leave it, hauling your shit with you.  Not fun.)  39 hours later, I arrive in Bradenton, FL at the bus terminal the size of a small closet.  Those of you old enough to recall, think PhotoMart booth.  I toddle off the bus with my luggage, and into the terminal where I see a plethora of very old, very unclean, toothless men who all have that "ARE YOU HER?" look on their face.  Now I'm really upset.  Why did I do this?  Why wasn't I just happy with Email!  Damn it!  I go over to the phone to call my Godmother...and I hear: "Babydoll...is that YOU?"  I look in the door and see the most beautiful man on the planet.  "OH, THAT is WHY I did this.... HIM, THAT GUY!"  I fell into his arms and haven't left.  He was (and IS) amazing...brought me home to his place, drew me a hot bubble bath, complete with champagne and roses and soft music.  Yes, ladies, those guys DO exist.  He left me be to relax a bit; then came back in to get my back, and dry me off and make me dinner.  At that moment, I wanted to call my mother up and tell her she could stop watching the Discover channel....I think we're having a wedding of our own!  Mother didn't tell me that WAITING for this guy was important.  It turns out, it is even more important that actually getting the guy.  According to my mother, every guy I had dated, was "good enough" if he was going to marry me.  The reality is, none of them were.  They were nice.  They had some qualities I liked, but I am certain if I had married them, I would be a divorce statistic today.  Mother never tells you that it's important to get to know and love yourself first.  It's all about the "getting a guy" thing.  I'll never be a mother myself, but I'm here to tell all of woman kind, that if you can get over the "alone" thing long enough, you're going to REALLY discover who YOU are, what YOU like and what YOU won't accept.  Why should it always be up to the men to decide those things?  Women who get into the game without this run the risk of never knowing who they really are, and waking up dissatisfied one day.  I waited.  I made a list.  I wanted a man who met or surpassed the really long list I had.  I did.  My wedding day was a true fairy tale.  My husband is a prince.  I am VERY blessed.  If you don't have a clue, if you go before you're ready....it won't be a fairy tale; more like a nightmare.  Life is hard and stressful enough...and even in a fairy tale marriage like mine, there are moments of stress.  You KNOW mother never told you that inside of marriage, you're more like Cinderella than you are a fairy princess.  You do a LOT as a woman. Chances are, you cook, clean, have children, raise children, work a full time job and tend to the needs of your spouse and your pets and your children and your job...and forget it when either or all of them get sick.  You're nurse, maid, teacher, lover, friend, therapist, and a million other things and somewhere in there you get a little lost.  If mother told us all of that, no one would bother.  Really, who needs THAT kind of stress? But if you're patient, if you listen to your heart, if you know who you are, and you know what you need...you have a better chance at a fairy tale ending than you think.